Spring Design Inspiration

Ann Tilley Handmade's spring collection is here!

Take a look here.

I'm still hanging on with this clothing line idea, I feel like I've created my own personal grad school with how steep my learning curve has been. Attempting to stay in front of the season change has been crazy! Mother Nature got me all scared cuz we started having spring/summer weather like weeks ago and I was panicking cuz I was still trying to sling long sleeve tops. It cooled down again but it certainly got my butt into gear!

A central start for my designs is looking to my own wardrobe and what I love to wear again and again. 

Enter my all-time favorite black pencil skirt, made out of a stretchy black knit that was starting to look worse for the wear. I had never been fond of the way the waistband fit, hence I'm hiding it with a big belt ~ prime inspiration for an update on a classic. I had also been fantasizing for some time now on a great wrap skirt (check out my Pinterest board inspo!). Thus, the Goddess Drape Skirt was born. 

I wanted maximum drape, full of texture and maximum comfort. Folding the fabric allowed me to get a clean edge on the front drape panels and doubled the fabric; acting like a lining.

On the opposite end of designing, there's starting with a fabric and trying to figure out what to make with it. I had planned to design a wrap dress but discovered the fabric I intended to use was much too stretchy for my original intentions. Then I just started playing and discovered how much I loved the look of an over-the-boob wrap top. Being large-chested, a standard wrap that crosses your breast can easily put you into lady-of-the-night category if you're not careful. I love that here you can get the ease of wearing a wrap with the benefit of full coverage. Having your arms exposed and the cropped hem length keeps you from looking too matronly. 

This dress was inspired by a vintage girl's dress I found in a shop in downtown Pittsboro. 

It was much tighter and shorter and had red stripes -- the neck was so tight I had to cut it larger to get my head in! It proved to be a little too small for regular wear and it got cycled out of my closet. I think we all know what it feels like to find a great garment that had that one flaw you wish was different. The beauty of designing from your own wardrobe is getting a chance to fix that flaw!

I'm strugglin' a little because I made this dress months ago after finding the perfect striped ponte fabric, and now I'm having trouble getting my hands on more fabric, to be able to offer this look to my customers. I'm gonna have to play it by ear and settle on another fabric if I can't get anymore.

Hope you enjoyed a peek into my spring collection and design process that went into it all!

Clothing Line Launches Amid Procrastination, Anxiety, and Ever-Neglected Household Chores

I sorta love this picture. It really captures me in a candid state -- having fun but probably not sure what I'm doing, haha. 

There is one thing that I do know how to do, and do well, that is make clothing. But trudging through the process of building a website, taking professional photographs (do I have to wear makeup??), learning the ins-and-outs of credit card processing, NOT TO MENTION how do I get my product to customers in the first place??

I'm slowly finding answers to these questions, in my own way. This whole clothing line is me doing it all in my own way, with the help of uber-talented friends that have brought me guidance and a helping hand. I didn't realize how badly I'd need that helping hand. 

The anxiety and procrastination I've developed over the past couplea weeks has surprised me. That's not me, why do I feel this way? I ain't scared if that's what you're thinking ... or am I? I've double-checked everything so why can't I just pull the trigger on this bitch? I don't have anything to fear cause I don't even know what I'm getting myself into!

I'm just gonna say to myself that feeling all these feelings must mean I'm stepping outside of my comfort zone and I've heard that it's good to do once in a while.

So without further delay, I'd like to announce that my clothing line is officially open for business, with the first garment being released TODAY! Wahoo!! Take a look at the new site!

ANN TILLEY HANDMADE SHOP

I've got some thank you's I need to get out there.

Seth Tice-Lewis, you're tha bomb, your photography skills made it easy create a great-looking site.

Skram Furniture Co., for letting us use your space and hog the radio even though I didn't ask.

Brittney O'Brien, you made me feel so confident with a great new hair-do before the shoot, and for showing me what makeup is even though I hardly put any on.

Chris Martz and Benjamin Reed, for advising me in the ways of HTML script.

Anna Daigneault, for proof-reading, trouble-shooting, and giving lots of hi-fives.

The Tilley/Thornton families, Haley Harned and Jenny Ellis for giving me your honest opinions about my clothes and telling me my ideas are good.

Adam Joyce, for orchestrating the wonderfully-instructional measuring video, for srsly holding my hand through this process, and for continually wiping sawdust off my ass.

And for all of YOU, who have been excited about my ideas, who have shared your clothes and fit stories with me, who have followed me through my career journeys, hell, I wouldn't have started this thing if it wasn't for Instagram and the feedback I got there. THANK YOU FOR PUSHING ME TO THIS POINT.

And this is only the beginning. Once I start to work through these first 3 garments, and get a chance to tweak and troubleshoot, I'm hoping this clothing line can become a well-oiled machine that can last through the year, if not longer. My initial goal was to release at least 1 garment a month for the whole year. I don't know where I'll go from there but I'm excited to see where I find myself this time next year!

How Peanut Shorts Led Me To A New Business Venture

Something that I'm recently discovering is vitally important for creative types/business entrepreneurs/designers/makers/discoverers/ME : making time to play. 

In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, I tend to "should" all over my life. "I should be responding to that client's email", "I should be regularly posting updates on Facebook", and the biggest one "I should be making more money". I am certain now that all that "should"-ing has held me back from growing my career and discovering what I really want to do.

If a scientist doesn't make time to experiment, how will she be able to discovering anything new?

If a chef doesn't make time to try out unfamiliar ingredients, when will she ever develop new recipes?

I allowed my fear of needing to make money keep me from playing in my studio. I took other people's stressful jobs, things I didn't even want to do, just for the money and prevented myself from discovering ways to take my own creativity and turn it into a career, on my own terms. 

It's ok, it only took me like 3 years to figure this out but, hey, better late than never. 

So let me tell you about my new business idea...

 .... I'll give you a hint, it's not modeling!

A couple weeks ago I made myself a pair of cotton shorts on a whim. It was hot, and I couldn't find my other pair. I'm sure there were other things I could've been doing that day but I chose to prioritize this project. Then I wore them every day for the next week. I was obsessed with these shorts!

My #1 man encouraged me to post a pic on Instagram and see if anyone else wanted a pair, and people were interested! The next day I went back into my studio and assessed that I had enough peanut wax print fabric to make 6 more pairs. So I threw the offer out there via Insta:

6 pairs available
$36 flat + free shipping
first 6 people to respond get em'
who wants em'?

I learned with my pair that it's nice to have a tag to easily identify front from back -- personalizing the tags makes it all the more fun, and a nice surprise for my clients.

I was sold out within the hour! 

That night I sent out invoices via Square (--> unbelieveably easy! Highly recommend it. BUT Venmo is the best to be able to avoid any processing fees, seriously, no fees! Only catch is you and your client both need to be signed up to use it. With Square, your client only has to enter payment info and that's it.) I also sent out emails with instructions on measuring your body.

Then all I had to do was wait for these 6 guinea pigs to fulfill their end (payment + measurements) and I happily sewed up their orders as they came in. It was enjoyable work that I created in my own studio, I was able to use up all this beautiful fabric that had been sitting around collecting dust. It overall was a great experience. I actually ended up selling more than 6 because I had a couple friends that saw more fabrics sitting around my studio and requested shorts in those alt. fabrics.

Peanut shorts seen in the wild!

My co-worker Gillian snapped this shot in her new shorts, made with another wax print fabric I had lying around.

Doing this little experiment got me really excited about the idea of creating more limited edition garments. It absolutely fits so many things that I love, those things being...

1) creating unique garments,
2) flexing my pattern-making skills and seeing them thru to full development,

3) small business, small production, small enough work that I can do by myself, 

4) providing others with a chance to purchase clothing outside of the "big box", 

...not to mention providing a custom fit! If only I could stand on a soapbox and preach the glories of clothes that are made specifically for one's body. I shutter at the thought that most of us wander this earth wearing garments that only kinda fit right. Or gosh! people that don't even realize what well-fitted garments look and feel like! Their ignorance pains me! I know the Truth! Follow me and I can make you look like you lost 20 pounds just with the magic of my sewing machine!

My favorite is to create a garment and fine-tune it till I can say this is a quality product. That means wearing it and judging its fit, washing it and seeing how the fabric wears. I'm a true sample-maker at heart, the engineering of it all is what I live for.

This is me creating a non-committal clothing line, as inspiration strikes and time permits. I love the freedom of this idea and I've got so many more garments I'm getting excited about offering. For this first go-round, I only advertised on Instagram but there's possibilities of expanding to other social media outlets and email marketing (join my mailing list here).

What do you think? Would you buy clothing in this manner? What platform do you think is best for this sort of business venture?

Swizz Beatz, The Dean Collection & Thoughts About Treating Your Business Like A Business

 My latest Instagram crush is a surprising and welcomed find --- Swizz Beatz, and his latest venture with the Dean Collection. I can't say I knew anything about him, although I'm definitely familiar with his work (DMX was a staple in my Discman growing up) but what I'm really fascinated with is his fabulous contemporary art collection. Ok, so I know Kehinde Wiley (his painting featured above, a whopping 8'5" x 25' piece!) is probably the most famous contemporary artist of the last 10 years but what I'm really excited about is SB's interest in up-and-coming artists. As much as I enjoy Andy Warhol's faces and Damien Hirst's dot paintings, it's refreshing to find someone seeking out new, sometimes little-heard-of artists, purchasing their work, and adding fuel to their hype. 

Tryptic by Maya Hayuk, part of the Dean Collection

Not to mention I think he has pretty fabulous taste.

After finding his Insta feed, I pursued the internet looking for more information about SB. I got a charge after reading this interview with him and it started a chain of thoughts about how I approach my own artwork and looking at the business side of it. 

It's been over a year since I decided to prioritize my art life and now I'm starting to feel the need to really establish it as a business, as much in my own head as anything.  Until now, I guess I was just doing it to see what could happen and now that I've figured out what I'm doing, established myself a bit, and gotten some feedback, I feel ready to take things further. I've gotten to a point where what was started as a hobby, has now become something more, I want it to be more, so I need to reframe some of my intentions towards where I want to go with all of it.

Works by Saner Edgar, part of the Dean Collection

For one thing, I need to stop underselling myself NOW. You can only short-change yourself for so long before you become thoroughly sick of it. I'm setting prices and sticking to them -- I still want to be accessible to all kinds of people so that means making art within a variety of price ranges, not adjusting prices to what you think the crowd can afford. Or feeling bad about valuing your art at a certain price point. If you don't value it, can you expect other people to? 

Another one is making sure I show up in my studio like it's a job. Frequently, my studio time can get bumped to the wayside, especially since it is at my home and I could run to the grocery real quick to get food for dinner, or I could start that load of laundry -- NO -- I need to create working hours and stick to them. It's amazing what you can come up with when you're surround by all your tools and materials, even if you don't feel all-together inspired. My biggest hurdle right now is making as much as I can. My smaller pieces (like the houses and toothbrushes) have proven to sell when I make them...so that means I need to keep making them. Like Swizz said he learned from Peter Max, art is like manufacturing your own currency.

Even this blog, it started as something that I only wanted to do as it pleased me, allowing it to be an organic expression. If my art is a business, then I need to make it a priority to share what I'm making regularly here, and my other social media outlets. This blog has become so much more for me over the past couple years. Not just a place to share but a place to process my journey, to document my learning curves, and help express myself through writing. When I first started blogging, I hated writing anything -- I felt like I sounded so dumb -- and would just post pictures. Now I have the confidence to verbalize in ways that I was too shy to do before. And the greatest thing is, when I meet people in person, I know how to verbalize to them what I'm doing because I've taken the time to do it here. Seriously.

BUT anyways, really excited to see a guy like Swizz Beats buying art instead of cars and I am interested to watch where he goes with The Dean Collection. I don't know if I have the gumption to go back to school for business like he is doing but I will do my best to put my business hat on more frequently. It's almost kinda fun sometimes, I mean not knitting fun but a girl's gotta give her hands a break sometime :)

Got any Instagram crushes you wanna share?

Learning How To Knit Again

Y'ALL, I got the grant!!

My first grant-writing experience, and I got it! In a previous post, I detailed my journey in pursuing the grant and I'm pleased to inform you that my hard work paid off, and I danced alll the way back from my mailbox when I got the news. And I've got a looong driveway! You know, I had almost given up on receiving anything on my first try. This whole art career thing is full of rejections, and it makes things easier if you keep your expectations low. I'm not saying to always view the glass half-empty, but it helps to keep reality at hand in an attempt to protect your self-esteem. 

SO, I wrote the grant to ask for funds to buy a knitting machine. And now that I have one, I have to prove that it will further my career in the next year. In fact, that is part of the process. January 2016, I will be submitting a final review of how I spent my grant money and how it helped me. Not only is it a way to hold yourself accountable with others but a supreme kick-in-my-butt to learn how to use this machine as quickly as I can.

Above are some of my first test knittings, using the 2-color stranded pattern function on my machine. I designed the single-motif and repeat patterns in my computer, manually input them into the machine's primitive, electronic system, and then you're ready to knit!

My first time repeating a single motif -- toothbrushes, of course :)

My intimidation quickly dissipated as I started working my way through the manual. I forget that I am capable at understanding basic machinery -- things like oiling generously and looking closely at what's moving where. With enough patience, you remind yourself that it's simple mechanics.

The machine, in a way, works backwards. You see the purl-side (or wrong side) from where you are sitting and you have to go around to the other side to see exactly what you are doing, hence the view in the picture above. 

It's hard to take good pictures of the machine but mine has found a cozy nook bumped up next to the record player. Over this past weekend, I executed my first real project with the machine. That meant using nice, wool yarn that I paid money for. Needless to say I was a little uptight at first but there's no better way to learn than to throw yourself in the ring. I decided to start with an intarsia design because I have a death wish and why would I start easy? I mean I already bought the finest gauge machine there is (aka- smallest, hardest-to-see, general feeling like your fingers are way too big when attempting to fix any mistakes, etc) so might as well add a dozen balls of yarn into the mix. 

DISCAIMER: For anyone who thinks that buying a knitting machine is cheating, making things easy or automatic in any way, I'd like to debunk your assumptions right now. 

Hand-knitting is WAY easier than this!! You can control everything much better since it is all in your hands or lap. With this machine you have up to 200 needles that you need to keep an eye on and god help you if you lose a stitch (or worse a dozen stitches),  those babies run faster than you can blink. Just because it says this machine is electronic doesn't mean that it's automatic. You push that carriage back and forth for every row of knitting. In fact, you don't ever plug it in unless you're wanting to use the electronic pattern functions, and in that case, all the machine is doing is moving your needles into the correct position for you. You're still pushing that carriage.

What the machine does well is allow you to knit larger, faster. It really feels much more like working on a loom rather than the hand-knitting I'm accustomed to. Especially doing intarsia color-work, it reminds me of tapestry weaving -- that's where you lay the yarn by hand into each needle, depending on what color goes where, and then push the carriage across, controlling the tension of each yarn ball with your free hand -- The machine is more physically enduring than I expected. The carriage requires more force to run across the bed of needles when doing intarsia. Also my tension was pretty tight which is something I need to troubleshoot. That requires the machine to work even harder.

And of course I was knitting for hours on end because I was so excited about it all. Doing any physical activity for 6 hours will leave something in your body aching.

 So what do you think?! It was fun not getting a chance to really see the work until I took it off the needles. It turned out even better than I imagined! There's a fair share of mistakes in there, but I left them in, allowing them to be badges of my learning process. Also probably didn't know how to fix them anyways, hehe. The toothbrushes are nothing new for me but it was smart to start with a design I was familiar with, that way I could focus more on the learning aspect.

This piece ended up around 21" x 18". I used all but 4 needles on the bed. That means that this is about the widest I can go. If my tension was looser it could be a little wider. I'm surprised because when I decided I wanted to scale up, I was imagining a lot larger than this, and now I'm seeing the limitations of the machine. I think this means I'm going to need to work in sections and seam edges together to get the size I'm after.

Look at all those tiny stitches! By the time I cast off, my row counter was at 270. I had so much fun, I can't wait to start my next project.

Also this past month, I've been working on a new batch of "smalls". Mostly, tiny houses but also have some lil' toothbrushes. 

I'm hoping to put a series of pieces up for sale online in the near future. The good and bad of this idea is that I'm selling these little houses to my friends and neighbors faster than I can make them! Facebook has been a great platform where people have been reaching out to me about purchasing pieces (you can find me here). If you are ever interested in buying any of my work PLEASE let me know! We can work something out. I'm always open to trades and price negotiations. I need people to buy my work so it has a place to hang and I can continue making more. My house is too small to hang it all!

Quonset hut!! Wish I had one of these in real life.

SIDE NOTE: My beautiful, little niece turned 2 this past month and I can't fight the desire to make her beautiful things. This year I made her a lovely, knitted bunny that is the perfect snuggle size. I hope it brings her happiness!
Free knitting pattern for this bunny available here.

Have a great day!

Super Speed

Finished up a commissioned watercolor painting while being responsible and watching Obama's address.

This year has started off behind the wheel of a Maserati pummeling down the road of expanding opportunities and diminishing down-time. My 2014 year-in-reflection blog post has been frugally attempted in between mouth-fulls of oatmeal while shoving extra pairs of socks on my feet on my way out the door.

The MOST EXCITING DECISION I've made for myself and my art career this year is to virtually remove work-for-hire from my plate. With the addition of an ideal part-time job, I've got enough supplemental income (for now) to turn down the projects I don't really want to do. Thus, creating even more space for me to make the things my creativity leads me to. Ironically, it can be hard for me to say "no" to people when they come to me for help. I want to help and share the skills I have but I need to devote more time to my own ideas. They deserve a whole-hearted try. And so I'm learning how to say "no"!

Having THAT said, there are clients and projects I have already committed to, coming into this year, that I can't bail on. Can you guess my strategy for January? Get all of the projects done as soon as possible! THEN I can go back to my own rainbows. So that's what I've been up to.

Here's where I ended 2014: Melina Coogan, a most distinguished blogger and fiancé to one of my BFFs, approached me for my very first knitted art commission (these are the commissions I wanna take!) to be a most-excellent Christmas gift for aforementioned BFF. I was THRILLED. She gave me full artistic license and I hope I didn't disappoint. This phrase has been rattling through my head for years after seeing it on a shirt from one of my quilt commissions baaack in the day. I just thought it was so eloquent and meaningful on multiple levels. When I was brainstorming ideas for this project, I started reading through Melina's blog and I knew this mantra would be great for her and David to reflect on each day. Maybe just the boost they needs that can help up hold their heads up a little higher for the day ahead. 

 David has always championed my artistic endeavors and for years has hoped to own one of my pieces. I don't think Melina knew that! It became a gift from both of us to brighten up his new home.

~

 Attempted our first juice cleanse at the start of the year. It was excellent excepting the cost of produce mid-Winter and the sheer frigidness of only drinking cold liquids. We'd like our second-go at it when the weather warms up. On a positive note, I now drink coffee black (no more cream and sugar) and I don't get migraine-ish headaches when I go longer than 3 hours without eating!

Last pair of commissioned jeans. I don't want to stop making jeans but might be more selective about who I make them for. Gravy being unhelpful, per usual.

 Super super exciting project in the works involving some old beading projects and a stellar art gallery!! Can't wait to share sooooon!

So maybe Adam and I just aren't in the right place to get a dog of our own. Whether that means blaming our lack of a fence or just our lack of desire for more responsibility, we can't say. But we sure do love playing with our friends' dogs!! Like we get way too excited about it. Maybe we're just meant to be a stellar Aunt and Uncle. Please come visit us out here in the beautiful, piedmont countryside and always bring your dog!

Conscious Thinking // Working on my Hippie

Have you ever had one of those moments where a thought pops into your head, then everything around you starts to fit into the theme of that thought, and you find yourself swept away into a ball of synergistic energy when your thought turns into an idea which turns into a game plan that turns into an action?

You follow me? You know what I'm talking about!

I had that happen to me this week, or has it been a month? It started with a sudden sinking feeling when I realized that I needed to make more money to sustain myself, and decided after 2 years of attempting to be a full-time freelancer, to look for a job. Something part-time, just to supplement the freelance work I've been fortunate enough to get. The universe shone their blessings on me that day because, literally, 30 seconds on Craigslist produced exactly what I was looking for. Gaia Conceptions, a business that I have greatly admired (and spoken-of on this blog here) was looking for a seamstress for 2 days-a-week. PERFECT! I started work the next Monday.

Check out my next desk!! Window and all. 

Now here's where the thought started. 

One of the reasons that I was really interested in working with Gaia Conceptions is their incredibly sustainable business practices, in regards to the environment. All the fabrics for their garments are organic and consciously manufactured, dyed in the studio using natural or low-impact dyes, and made-to-order, eliminating unwanted stock. With an emphasis on quality craftsmanship and made-in-America, Andrea basically built the business that I would want to build. It's still fashion, we're not saving lives here, but she's thinking responsibly about every aspect of doing what she loves doing, designing and making clothes. She's not compromising.

I feel like as I get older, I slowly become aware of ways I can apply my morals into every action I take. I think the Slow Food Movement has been great to bring awareness to food choices we make but we need to start bringing awareness to all aspects of our lives. Every thing we put on our body, in our mouths, in our environments, and what we choose to spend our money on. 

Some small knittings that are finally getting framed this week. I start by stapling them to plywood painted in a complimentary color. I learned the hard way that I don't like seeing plywood through my knittings, painting them first looks so much better!

SO, working at Gaia gets me thinking about the materials I use in my art and where they come from. And, as crunchy as I am already, I hate to admit that I haven't considered it much. My focus is color then price, and where the yarn comes from or who's making it hadn't even been a thought in my mind. God.....I'm a monster!! Not to mention, the tools I use. I do gather the wood I use for my frames in the off-cut bin at work (aka Skram Furniture), so that's good, but the plywood is usually Home Depot new. How do I rectify this situation??

SYNERGISTIC SUCCESSION OF EVENTS

-- listening to this podcast ----> Woolful episode 1  (if you are interested in brevity or not a total fiber nerd, I'd say pass on listening to this)

...which introduced me to...

-- Ton Of Wool, a new company based out of Australia that is providing to the commercial market an ethically and sustainably produced yarn.

They only sell their yarn in the natural color of the sheep's hair (white, grey, black) so this got me thinking about the possibility of buying their yarn and dying it myself. This would change my color palette significantly. I would say that a signature of my work is bright color and there's limitations if you're not using powerful chemicals or synthetic fibers. Am I willing to make that change? Well, if you think about all aspects of the modern American life, there's very little of our habits that are ultimately sustainable. That means to create real change, we have to either use our amazing brains to figure out how to have it all in a sustainable way, or learn to reduce. Live with less. There's no time like the present for me to start to adapt more environmental practices into my art and, who knows, maybe it could push to an even cooler place with my work. The greatest place I could find would be to create the product I want and maintain the sustainable habits. No compromises. But, I'll never know until I start.

The studio table this week. My figure skating poster competition entry got mounted (left) and my first art commission in progress (right). Can't wait to share the finished project soon! I do love those bright colors...

The second episode of Woolful brought even more ideas for converting to a sustainable art practice. In this podcast, Ashley discusses methods for recycling yarn from unwanted garments with Jerome Sevilla, aka Grid Junky. What a fabulous idea!! I love recycling!! I'm totally in love with this idea. There's a possibility here to find more color options outside of what is dyeable in the domestic studio if you're good for the hunt. I'm certainly willing to try.

I was so amused by this giant mall in town (Greensboro), titled Destiny, accompanied by an empty parking lot. What is this? I almost don't want to know. I love living in the weirdness of a run-down city, lacking in revitalization. They just have so much character.

So what's your destiny?

Are you hoping it will find you or are you willing to cultivate it? To mold it into exactly the person that you want to be. I want my destiny to be an environmentally-conscious one, a destiny that can fulfill my creative dreams and stand by my ethical morals, and I'm starting now to make that happen. And maybe it will lead me to something that I never even knew was possible. I can't wait to find out.

Looking Ahead (aka Grant-writing)

The continuing saga entitled my art career has once again found its heroine entering new territory: grant-writing
also know as,
what-I-do-and-why-you-should-give-me-money-to-do-it.
There's certain artists out there that, with great success, follow a path of residencies, competitions and grants. This means countless hours devoted to research, writing and filling out applications. I've been of the belief that if you spend all your time pursuing these opportunities, you find yourself making less art and more persuasive essays. Why would I want to waste my time?

BUT, like all good ideas, this Regional Artist Grant for Guilford County (+ 5 neighboring counties) was placed in my inbox. All the details presented at just the right time and a far-enough-away deadline for me to think "I could do this". But grant-writing isn't me, right?

Then my next push from the universe: I went to a fundraising gala where a one-hour grant writing session, with a seasoned vet in the field, was up for auction. I took it as a sign, knowing how little I knew about grant-writing and being smart enough to see a chance to get valuable help. I made sure I won it, and I'm awfully glad I did. Sometimes, my biggest hurdle can be simply understanding the prompt. This grant proposal was no exception. The prompt was simple really; it asked "What do you want to do next year with your art?"

What am I doing? Where do I want to go?

I was stumped. I have worked so hard to get where I am this year, I hadn't even begun to think about plans for next year. I thought so hard about it I swear my head hurt for a week. I was awash in emotional instability, lost at sea on the 20-something raft of life that I had fooled myself into thinking was in the right direction. Well, not even the right direction, any direction really. I found that I didn't didn't have any pie-in-the-sky dreams for my art or art career. How can I follow a direction if I don't even have a goal? More instability, more drifting. 

With the help of grant-queen Margaret, I was able to eventually wrap my brain around what was being asked of me. We improvised our one-hour into a series of emails where I would throw all my ideas at her (I mean all of them) and she gently nudged me in the right direction. I really did a lot of soul-searching over the month leading up to the deadline, including some intensive brain-storming sessions with my bff, where we wrote down as many big dreams as we could think of in 10 minutes. And then organized them into groups and talked about it.  Lots of talking.

In the end, I went for something clear and definable, easily monetized into their mandatory budget proposal and simple to write about its benefits: I asked for funds to purchase a knitting machine. It was an idea I hadn't given more than a passing fancy but, as I reflected on my art, I realized how much I desired to scale up my work and how this machine would allow me to do it. The real reason I hadn't looked into buying a machine before was because I was WHOLLY INTIMIDATED. Where do I buy a machine? Which one do I buy? How do I learn how to use it? What if I can't figure it out and I wasted all this time and money?? But then, there was the magic of the grant. If I sit down and actually do research on them -- persuade others into why this would be great for me -- then maybe I'll gain some more confidence. AND if they actually give me the money, then I HAVE TO figure it out!

Along with working with Margaret and getting my friends' advice, I reached out to Instagram friends who I knew owned knitting machines and asked for their input. 

----(Lemme tell you, I have been blown away with the network of artists and crafters I've met through Instagram! It's been quite the valuable tool for advancing my art career)----

 Of course, they were great help and eventually led me to learning about a local machine knitters guild in my area. With fabulous luck, they were meeting the next day and 2 days before my grant was due. THAT was the ticket! They sat down with me and literally walked me through my budget proposal, telling me exactly what I needed to buy and how much it would cost. They even offered to help me shop. Not to mention, they will be a valuable support system once I actually get a machine and need to learn. That's right, now that I've done all the research, I have to get a machine, whether or not this grant comes through. I'll figure it out.

FINAL THOUGHTS ON GRANT-WRITING: I have to say, I think I might be a big fan of grants now. You still have to accept the fact that you have no control over how many other people with great ideas apply, who the judges are, and what their personal tastes may be. But I've already gained so much just in the process of writing it. It forced me to think ahead and dream big. I'm thinking that I should apply for a grant every year, simply for those benefits. It's so amazing that we have programs in place specifically for encouraging artists to keep doing what they're doing, why not try your luck at some of that funding. Even if you don't get it, you'll be amazed at where it can take you.

What are you doing next year?